Cycles

My family worshipped this morning at the church that I attended in my late teens into my early twenties.

Looking back those were probably the most tumultuous years of my life. Years filled with days running away from God instead of to Him. Years that I spent, (like Peter),trying to prove I wasn't "one of His." I was angry, I didn't understand the "God" thing, and I certainly didn't understand church people. I couldn't relate. Yet in the quietness of my own heart and at night in my bed I knew that God was the only way. It wasn't until my late twenties that I returned to God and gave Him my life to do with as He pleased.

During the "crazy" years my parents consistently attended church and I was required to go. I went but I made sure every one around me knew I didn't chose to be there and I certainly wasn't happy to be there.

The pastor of the church had six children, a few who were not far behind me in age. Those kids went through some crazy years themselves.

But today they gathered in celebration because one of the pastors daughters, Jessica, was being ordained as she senses a call to full-time ministry. Another one of his sons led an incredible worship service. Another daughter (remember they have 6kids) gave a brief word of encouragement before the offering. And yet another gave the announcements and prayed before the service. After Jessica preached her father and mother had the honor of ordaining her. Her mom spoke at the end and gave thanks to God for His faithfulness. All six of her children were present and all six of them love and serve God. She could hardly contain herself. Understandably so.

Like my mom, I'm sure she spent many a night up wondering if it was all going to be okay, if they were going to be okay.

It was amazing to be there to see all of them worshipping and serving God, and to worship with them. All of us prodigals at one point in our lives and all of us were home.

We dragged our kids to that service today, I'm sure they weren't thrilled to be there. But, I was glad we were there and deep in my heart, regardless of what they go through in life, I know it's all going to be okay. They are going to be just fine.

Proverbs 22:6 Point your kids in the right direction - when they are old they will not be lost.

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!

There is an old negro spiritual which later evolved into a children's song called This Little Light of Mine. I remember singing it when I was a little girl. It's one of those catchy songs, like 'This is the Song That Never Ends'. Once you start to sing it, it's really hard to stop. As I had children of my own, in keeping with tradition, I taught them the song. For those of you who may have never heard it or have not seen it demonstrated: you hold your pointer finger out and up high and wave it back and forth, singing, "this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine, this little light of mine, I'm gonna' let it shine, let it shine, let it shine." It goes on to say, "hide it under a bushel,(as you cover your finger with your other hand and declare..) NO!, I'm gonna let it shine!" and the third verse continues "don't let satan blow it out,(at which point you blow on your finger as if to blow out a candle, and declare..)" NO!, I'm gonna let it shine, don't let satan blow it out, I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine! "

I particularly remember my daughter, probably around two at the time, loved the part where she got to say "NO" to satan blowing out her light. She would scrunch up her face, furrow her eyebrows and loudly proclaim, "Don't yet Satan bwow it out, NO!, I'm gonna yet it shine!" I think she really liked the fact that she got to shout the word NO and not get in any trouble for it.

There is a lesson in this simple children's song for me. When Jesus came into the world He was called the Light of the World, and as His follower I am called to be a carrier of His Light. This song beckons me to say NO! to two things: to hiding the light and to allowing Satan to blow it out. I don't believe Satan has power to blow out the light, but I do believe at times I have allowed the darkness to override the light. Most of the time its because my thoughts are turned toward me and not others. Worry, doubt, exhaustion, fear, all dim the light. I also believe that I have hidden the light at times. To be a carrier of it is a responsibility, and sometimes I just don't feel like it. Sometimes its easier to look away.

So, I am reminded that at times I have to get angry enough at my own apathy and self-centeredness and like my daughter, shout NO! to the plans of darkness and say YES to the responsibility of being the LIGHT! Being a carrier of the Light is a responsibility and it is a choice.

God, as I accept my responsibility to be light, would you replace the areas darkness within me with your truth and your light so that today I can shine a little brighter. So be it!